BCPRESS

Have you liked several people at once? No, not the kind of “like” among friends, relatives, or K-pop stars. “Like” through the initial manifestations of “love,” the type of emotion that might lead to romantic cravings towards someone… Or should I say, several ones?

In contemporary society (or at least in China), one who admits romantic feelings to several people over the same period of time will often be labeled “fickle,” “disloyal,” “adulterated,” and, with direct translation from Chinese, “flower-hearted (花心).” Most societies have moved away from polygamous marriages; increasingly egalitarian civilizations have emphasized “oneness” in marriage and thus discriminate against even the idea of being attracted to multiple people at the same time.

If you are having difficulties accepting your attraction to more than one person, you will be glad to hear this: it is a perfectly normal situation, and nothing is wrong with you. In fact, as much as people do not like admitting it, many of them share the same difficulty! “A loving individual can certainly feel deeply in love with several people at once,” Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a psychologist, said. Feelings of attraction are natural; you can’t force yourself to like someone or dislike them. Increased impulse, blushing, and nervousness are reactions that cannot be controlled. (Joke: If you want a real-life example, look at reality shows that put men and women into mansions to force them to get to know each other.)

Furthermore, biologists think that most mammals, including humans, are by nature polygamous so that they can ensure the number of offspring to prolong their genetic information (simply for their breed to survive longer). Over long periods of evolution, some of our instincts to feel attraction towards more than one person are still sustained to this day. For some of us, this has proven to be true, as we tend to find another partner after one has passed away. Therefore, it isn’t a matter of “can you like several people at once?” but “how to cope with liking several people at once.

With that said, although it is natural to “like” several people at the same time, feelings of deep love that only build up over time spent together and deep knowledge of each other should only be for one individual (at least in a monogamous relationship). That deep internal affection and connection, above all physical attraction, is most important. How that type of connection is built up might differ, but I would say just let it happen naturally. If you have those kinds of deeper emotional romantic desires for more than one person, then maybe a monogamous relationship isn’t best for you. You can look into other types of relationships that will not be mentioned in this essay. Hence, while it is perfectly normal to feel attracted to or to “like” several people at the same time, one should only truly “love” an individual.